The Show Must Go On

Visiting Nepal—both last December and again this summer—has tested my perseverance in ways I hadn’t expected. During my previous visit, I spent two out of three weeks battling a high fever. This time, I’ve been diagnosed with a degenerative genetic spine disease. My current focus is on slowing the disease’s progression before it becomes unmanageable. I’ve come to accept this new reality.

What continues to haunt me, however, is the question: Why me? Why have I been dealt such a concentrated dose of genetic misfortune—first the heart, then Parkinson’s, and now the spine? Am I the outlier in my family—the black sheep who inherited it all? Or perhaps the fortunate one, carrying these burdens so that others in my family might become aware, act early, and avoid a similar path?

My previous post on the “Memento-Mori calendar” was a turning point. It made me confront the possibility that I may not have many years left. Most of the men in my family have passed away by their mid-70s, and I will be approaching that number because I am not Brian Johnson (the billionaire trying to live forever). As human as I am, I still wish for more time — more years to indulge in the richness of life. However, that may not be a luxury I can afford. And so, this post is about looking back: reflecting on what I could have done better and, more importantly, expressing gratitude to those who truly deserve it.

Why Keep a Gratitude Journal?

Because gratitude grounds us. Even amid uncertainty, pain, or fear, maintaining a gratitude journal can enhance mental resilience, reduce stress, and contribute to overall well-being. It’s a simple but powerful practice that helps us recognize the good that persists—even in the darkest moments. For the past year, I’ve kept one religiously, and through it, I’ve come to realize how deeply certain people have impacted my life, often without even knowing it.

I feel an urgent need to express this—before it’s too late. This feels like the right moment, because those who have shaped my life deserve to know the role they’ve played. Since there are many people on that list, I’ll include them in future posts as part of an ongoing reflection series.

One day, while writing in my gratitude journal and reflecting on my recent diagnosis, it hit me: I’ve taken some relationships for granted — especially the ones that matter most. I feel I failed in my responsibilities as a son to my parents and as a brother when my sister needed me the most. There are others, too. I’m not a religious person, but sometimes I wonder—is this karma? Have these health challenges been a kind of reckoning? Maybe not. But the thought lingers.

The Importance of Reflection

Like my gratitude journal, personal reflection has become a space where I acknowledge where I am and what I’ve achieved. I’m currently working on my half-yearly review. If you’re curious about starting your own, I highly recommend Tiago Forte’s Annual Review process:
📎 Tiago Forte’s Annual Reviews

If you’re a Notion enthusiast, check out Ali Abdaal’s thoughtful review and template:
📎 Ali’s 2020 Annual Review
📎 Ali Abdaal’s Notion Template

And if you’re using Obsidian, feel free to reach out—I’d be happy to share the template I’ve been using. I’ll also be posting my 2025 annual review at the end of the year.

Gratitude Despite the Pain

Here in Nepal, my days are spent learning to walk through pain and diligently following my physiotherapist’s instructions. And yet, I’ve made a conscious decision not to let pain confine me. I try to move, to live, to do what I can—however small. For that, I’m immensely thankful to my friends and family members who continue to check in on me. Your kindness, concern, and encouragement mean more than I can express.

The Show Must Go On!